Photo by Getty Images on Unsplash. Solemn couple sitting across from each other at a table.

Is Maintaining
a Relationship
Supposed to Be
This Hard?

You never thought you’d feel this stuck with someone you love this much. That’s for reddit posts and advice columns, not real life. You and your partner had a great relationship when you moved in together and now, what starts as negotiating around plans for the house or the weekend turns into a five-alarm argument with tears and yelling or worse, a complete shutdown. Each of these so-called discussions leaves you feeling wrung out and confused.

This Isn’t What You Imagined
You told yourself you weren’t going to repeat your parents’ relationship. You’d patiently and calmly express concerns to your partner whenever something came up, the two of you would have a mature discussion that resolved the issue, and that would be it. Instead, you’re having the same talks again and again, with no satisfactory outcome. If only you could say it better. If only they could hear it better. You just don’t know what else to do.

My clients simply want to have a happy, supportive relationship with their partner. They used to have that, but somehow, it’s slipped away. They don’t want to leave, but they don’t know how to get back on track either, and they’re scared it’s too late.

Most of my clients are struggling to balance meeting their personal needs with the needs of the relationship. They want to be able to evolve as a person without leaving their partner behind. They want to give and receive more love and support than they witnessed growing up.

Relationship mediation might be for you if:

  • You don’t feel like you understand your partner anymore or vice versa

  • You don’t know how to broach big topics

  • You shut down when it’s time for a big discussion, or your partner does

  • Physical affection and intimacy are dwindling, and you miss it

  • Anger, sadness, and resentment seem to be your baseline relationship emotions

  • You want to make a big change, and you don’t know how to navigate that with your partner

Struggling not to take the Road to Splitsville
My goal for my clients is to teach you how to identify your needs, how to express them, and how to negotiate getting them met — and maybe making sure that idea is realistic.

 Relationship mediation isn’t:

  • Being judged and me telling you who is at fault

  • Having a referee for arguments

  • Getting a to-do list of the changes you need to make

  • Receiving all the answers and fixing everything forever and ever  

Photo by Polina Kuzovkova for Unsplash. A closeup of two hands touching

How It Works
We’ll meet for your introductory session to get a sense of your situation, to explain the mediation process, and to talk about how I can help. If we’re a good fit, we’ll schedule 90-minutes sessions weekly or bi-weekly. Most couples can learn the skills they need in six to eight sessions. It’s hard work, and both partners need to buy into the process.

I’m excited to help clients who want to have a happy, healthy, and positive relationship with their partner -- people who want to dig in, change how they’ve been handling things, and get excited about their future together. What we process in mediation sessions is 100% confidential. You may feel vulnerable initially, but our pace, what you disclose, and how you approach strategies are up to you and your partner. I will challenge you and teach you the tools you need to be a better partner and happier together.

Solo Work?

Some clients ask if they can work with me solo – and that’s perfectly fine. These are called conflict coaching sessions. Reasons for working one on one include:

  • Your partner doesn’t want to participate.

  • Your partner can’t participate, such as because the relationship has ended and you want to understand what happened or the partner cannot make it to sessions.

  • You want clarity or to learn skills around patterns that have repeated themselves in multiple relationships. In other words, you know that you’re the common factor.  

One-on-one conflict coaching sessions have the same focus on empathy and needs as relationship mediation sessions.

Ask Me Anything

Sometimes clients don’t know where to start except that they feel confused, unhappy, or curious around a particular subject or situation, so they book an Ask Me Anything session. I’ll focus on you, listen with empathy, share information, and offer suggestions when appropriate.

Topics that have come up include:

  • Polyamory/ethnical nonmonogamy

  • Multigenerational cultural differences

  • Living with an STI

  • Kink/BDSM

  • Partners with different needs, such as sexually or living arrangements